One year later....

These last few weeks, my heart has really been burdened for all my Liberty University Class of 2013 loves! I've been watching and reminiscing and longing for you all with great joy and wonder. I remember those feeling of panic and frustration, a little bit of hope and a longing for adventure mixed with a whole of ton uncertainty and frankly...fear. It was this time last year that I walked across that stage, packed up my apartment and said goodbye to a whole lot of people I loved. I assumed that I would be soon returning to their fellowship and at least living somewhat near (within visiting distance. ;) ) If you would have told me then that I would be where I am now, I would have dropped to the ground and thrown a hissy fit with tears streaming down my face. But, here I am, no hissy-fits, no tears.
So what does it look like, a year out from graduation?
I found out that I was a little wrong about my expectations of having a life after I got out of college. Wasn't my excuse for not loving on people that I was always too busy? Now, busy-ness takes on a whole nother form, and I almost think that returning to those college days would be great! (except the being broke part, lol) More than that, I've discovered that friendships take a lot of work....after hours. Not only do you put in your time at work and your time in scheduled ministry, you also put time in building relationships in small groups, and if you wanna live the Gospel, you put time and a whole lot of effort -mostly uncomfortable effort- into being with people who haven't yet caught a glimpse of the Gospel. It goes beyond small groups once a week and Saturday serve. Its staying up to just talk to people, its getting up in the middle of the night to drive them home, its going places and doing things that you don't really enjoy because you believe that people shouldn't have to convert to your culture before they can see Jesus (or after they fall in love with him for that matter.) Its about loving without demanding anything in return, being offended and not letting the offense affect your relationship. Its the Gospel-living and breathing.
Another thing I learned is that God's plan doesn't always have your degree stamped all over it. I started off my post-college time working at a fuel station to pay the bills. As fall came around I joined the worship team at a local church plant and started playing and singing on Sundays. Then, I got hired as a part time music teacher (which...if you know me...you know is just hilarious...I honestly think that was God just having some fun. ;) ) Later in the fall, I changed positions and was hired as a pharmacy technician. Medical and worship ....not all that similar for the most part. It wasn't even management or anything to do with my business specialization!! Lol. But, I studied and passed the test. And am now certified to be a pharmacy technician. In December, I resigned from my teaching position and not too much longer after that, was hired on full time in the pharmacy. Oh yeah, in that in between time I started taking a perspectives class. (mainly, because there were finally people there my age!) (Head's up....it'll change your life www.perspectives.org)  And....I discovered God's global purpose. I fell in love with who God is, and knew that had to change how I did what I did. God calls us to "go as far as you can see." So, I prayed that God would use what he had placed in my hands for his glory. And He is faithful. He put Pharmacy into my hands and then called me to go to Belize to use that privilege to strengthen His church. (T-4 days!)
A few days ago, I was talking to a lot of fresh grads from a school in town and they were encouraging me, saying, "how can you give up on your dream of a job in music and settle for Pharmacy?" With a huge smile on my face, I said, sometimes, God gives you a dream and asks you to pursue it and when you obey, he gives you another little glimpse...like a dream inside a dream...and you discover that the dream you had was only the very beginning of an enormous dream that will continue to be revealed to eternity.

So, for all my friends just now embarking on this journey, I say: God's call isn't always about which job best uses your chosen degree. Sometimes, flexibility (and a little heartache) bring about great joy! And, to all of you returning to small town life like me where the population of the other gender that loves Jesus is slim to none- know that there is a perfect peace and plan that finds you wrapped up in a love inexpressible- far greater than moving to a large area for that off chance that God might put that someone in your path. And...don't buy into this...I need to become something great in the meantime business...God's heart is for you to understand that you already are something great because you belong to a Father who is very fond of you.
Hope lies on the horizon.
Deditio- victory through unconditional surrender

A lesson in defiance

Throughout the last few...months really, God has been challenging all my preconceived notions concerning His Word and His Ways. This radical change hinges on two contributing factors. 1) Jesus Plus Nothing Equals Everything by Tullian Tchividjian 2) Perspectives Class. Challenged by Tchividjian, I started to read Genesis. I was coming to terms not with the crazy Bible character "heroes" of Sunday School, but with the incredible way God uses messed up people to accomplish His plans.  So take that same MO and apply it to Exodus. Tonight I am reading in chapter 5. We hit the central stage: Moses' first confrontation with Pharaoh. Lets just remember, Moses comes face to face with God and is forever changed. But, he doesn't pass on his identity of God's elect to his son. God runs Moses down and in His fury is poised for the kill when Moses' wife saves His life by circumcising their son. Moses then goes to stand before Pharaoh proclaiming that The LORD, the God of Israel seeks the worship of His people. Lets remember that all the while, God's plan has been that He receive worship from every tribe, tongue, nation and people. This includes Egypt. Pharaoh stands in defiance of the Lord saying, "Who is this "god" of yours to demand something from me?"Pharaoh increases the burden on Israel which causes what? It causes them to scatter across the nation seeking grain. What good does this scattering accomplish? The name of Yahweh moves across the country rather than just being centered in the hub of Goshen. God is still accomplishing His plan through the oppression of Pharaoh. And then we come to the end of chapter 5...and Moses has the audacity to declare that God has done evil? That He sent Moses to deliver His people...and He hasn't fulfilled His end of the deal! Did we learn nothing? The God of the Universe will not bow to Pharaoh. His law is just and his purpose is sure. He will bring about the worship of His name from every ethne regardless of human dictatorship or authority. Who are we to sit back and see that circumstances have not progressed at our desired pace and call God unjust or unrighteous?
What patience from our unrelenting King. He takes into His arms people who are all-too eager to rebel and defy Him.

Putting Things Into Perspective

Tonight was my first experience in Perspectives. To be honest, I never really thought about going because I graduated with a degree from a Christian University and figured that this class would be very similar to classes there. (Somehow I forgot how incredibly I loved going to class there in the meantime.) But, I had been personally invited to check it out by a few of the ladies in my church, and the first week was free, so I thought I would go to appease those asking and at least give it a try. The class starts at six and the pharmacy doesn't close until seven. Tonight, one of our roaming techs was coming from the clinic at six to stay until seven and close...well, not so much. By the time I left the store it was 7:00 and I seriously considered just going home. I'm extremely glad I didn't.
Now, with that backstory out of the way...
Tonight I engaged with the church and I think one of the most incredible parts was to walk in to the building where we hold our church services and to see that Wellspring made up like 25% of the people in the class. The other 75% attending the class were people I didn't know and had never met, all from this area, all desiring to learn about the story of God in this world. Walking in to that room was daunting, but it was incredible. I so look forward to meeting these people who are passionately pursuing Jesus Christ and desiring to serve Him with their lives. Its the church of South East Iowa meeting to see God glorify His name. =)
So, for all of you who have not ventured into this classroom tonight, let me bring a little of what God impressed upon my heart tonight.
The second of the half of the night (the part I actually made it to) was all about the second fulfillment of the Gospel- "Christ's life and the faith family that followed Him" If you think about it, the years that we call the intertestamental period or the silent years, weren't really all that silent on the global scale. Massive kingdoms were coming and going and once again Israel became enslaved by these massive global powers. It was during this time that the culture of oppression so dominated the thinking of the Hebrew leaders that the idea of the Messiah coming as a servant collapsed under the idea that the Messiah would come to establish the kingdom of Israel and overthrow the reign of the Gentiles. Into this world of a nation that desired domination came a servant/rabbi who chose the worst gang of followers imaginable including a tax collector (who was a traitor collecting money to give to the government who then paid soldiers who raped and pillaged its citizens) a terrorist (Judas the zealot) and his own betrayer. Jesus chose the rejects and built a team to create a global movement. This team was all about Israel rising from the ashes to conquer the Gentiles, but Jesus-their Messiah- spent 2/3 of his ministry serving Gentiles, not Jews. His perspective was global and at the cross, he demanded that God keep his word as stated in Habakkuk 2:14 " for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea." The cross showed an amazing truth: God loves God more than anything. Jesus in his life of perfection perfectly obeyed the greatest two commands, to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And to love your neighbor as much as you love yourself. Think about that for a minute. Jesus is God. And he loves his neighbor (aka you and me) as much as he loves himself. -now that is a woah moment for me.
As Jesus ascends into heaven he speaks the great commission. Many of this can quote this passage, but in our minds its implications don't really click. First we think that our goal is to reach Jerusalem OR Judea Or the ends of the earth. - Wrong. its not an optional statement here. Second, we think I reach Jerusalem Then Judea Then the ends of the earth. Wrong again. It says reach Jerusalem and Judea and the ends of this earth. AND. Its an inclusive statement made only possible when we understand that he is not saying, Michelle you reach your jersualem and your Judea and your ends of the earth. He is saying y'all, my beautiful bride, my church, together you reach Jerusalem and Judea and the ends of the earth because you establish for my name subsidiaries of worship which develop and grow to expand in a global array of bringing glory to my name. See, reaching the world is not the job of missionaries. Its the job of the church. (Another woah moment)
As we dive into the Word we discover so much more the depth of what it means to be a part of this body. To be the global church. To be the bride. And it changes our perspective...about everything.

New and Different

This week has been so new and different for me. I know, I know..my week of new things was at least two weeks ago...the newness should have given way to routine by now...and maybe it has. Who knows? Lol. I guess its true. I'm random.
Biggest take away from this week. Words hurt. Now...don't get yourself all worked up...I'm not here licking my wounds or bitter...in fact most of the scenarios that have come to teach me this truth did not even involve words about me. But I think my perspective is changing. You see, for some time now I have been a closet busy-body. I always want to be the one in the know. I want to have a personal knowledge that I know someone better than you. I may let you talk on and on about how much you know somebody or an event that you saw...but inside I snuggle up with the idea that I already know..probably better than you know..
Things are different now. I have truly stepped out of the bubble of Liberty University where everyone sugar-coats opinions and re-phrases issues into constructive criticism. Now, I have entered the real world, where people are blatant in their dislike of others and not afraid to tell you about it. I think this week I just have grown disgusted with two-facedness. Knowing that someone is saying something terrible and ugly and watching their demeanor turn angelic when someone else walks in the room has become such a deterrent to me. I am disgusted by people who feel free to air their grievances to the whole world...or worse yet, to make accusations as if they are one-hundred percent accurate based on third party information.
Why does this bother me? Well, because words are like pebbles hurled at a window that cause it to chip. Eventually with time and changes in pressure and changes in weather that chip becomes a crack, then a big crack, then your whole window has to be replaced. Hurtful words-regardless of their truth value-launch that pebble that starts that crack in your perception of someone or something. More harmful words...even if they are groundless cause that crack to expand and expand and expand. Slivers of doubt and second thinking begin to cloud your judment and you find yourself completely over-analysing decisions and situations. Or you find your perceptions of others' character changing based on groundless, unfair accusations.

I think the better question might be...why has this never bothered me before?
They say that the faults we find worst in others are ones that live most strongly in our own lives. Its true. I am two-faced. My words might still be covered with that sugar-coating, but their intent is still destruction. I may put a positive spin on my opinions, but I still communicate the philosophy of death. My heart condemns me. But there is one who is greater than my heart who offers himself in exchange for my two-faced self. And His WORD is the only one reliable.

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him, for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."-1 John 3:19-20

Making All things New

This week marks a week of so many brand new things for me. But, I think we gotta start with this summer before we get there. This summer was brand new for me too. I graduated from college and moved home..back to Iowa. I thought that I would be home for maybe a month or two before heading back out East to work. But, God had a different plan. Week after week of sending out resumes and cover letters and filling out applications came and went with no answers..or at least none that I wanted to hear. It was also new because for the first time in my life of twenty-one years, I decided to apply all the things that I had been learning at school in a new church than the one I had spent every year of my life attending. That decision was hard and heart-breaking for me. But, I could not deny the Spirit of God directing me to new things. So, I decided to obey. I started attending Harmony for the summer...and fell in love with the people, the mission, the vision, really the heartbeat of this church. But...I was having a hard time getting connected ( it was definitely on me, not on them..just in case anyone was getting any ideas.) So, one day, my Dad asked if I didn't want to at least just try out this church plant in Mt. Pleasant...and I felt iffy about it, but decided it would not hurt to try. As I was there that first Sunday, the Holy Spirit laid on my heart, a desire to volunteer to mentor the Praise Team of high schoolers that attend that school (the church plant meets in the tiny little Christian school where I spent my elementary years.) So, later that evening, I contacted the administrator and let her know of my intentions to volunteer. But God had bigger plans. When I went in to discuss what this volunteering might look like, I was offered a part time position teaching music K-12. If you know me or my degree, you would know that education and I have never been very good friends...I never ever wanted to be a teacher ( which is why I chose the Worship and Music Studies degree over Music at Liberty University.) But, I knew that this was an incredible opportunity. I can teach music fundamentals all the while training these young men and women to worship Jesus Christ with abandon. To lead worship instead of to perform. So...after some prayer and research I accepted the job and will be starting tomorrow morning. I have a lot of nervous tension...and am just wondering how in the world I can teach kids!? But God is greater than any of my fears or nerves or insecurities. And I relish this opportunity to make disciples of His name. I lived for performance at this school. Now I get to lead in worship.
God has such a sense of humor and a perfect sense of timing. I have been studying Beth Moore's study, The Beloved Disciple. Last night I was reading about that in between time where God trained His man John. He fell into obscurity for awhile, only to be used incredibly for the Lord. Thats what I pray for my life. That even if I am not serving in my dream job per se, God will be crafting my character and pouring out His love to this community in an unimaginable way. To the Kingdom and The Restoration, All because of His Death-Defying Love.
Let the adventure commence.