New and Different

This week has been so new and different for me. I know, I know..my week of new things was at least two weeks ago...the newness should have given way to routine by now...and maybe it has. Who knows? Lol. I guess its true. I'm random.
Biggest take away from this week. Words hurt. Now...don't get yourself all worked up...I'm not here licking my wounds or bitter...in fact most of the scenarios that have come to teach me this truth did not even involve words about me. But I think my perspective is changing. You see, for some time now I have been a closet busy-body. I always want to be the one in the know. I want to have a personal knowledge that I know someone better than you. I may let you talk on and on about how much you know somebody or an event that you saw...but inside I snuggle up with the idea that I already know..probably better than you know..
Things are different now. I have truly stepped out of the bubble of Liberty University where everyone sugar-coats opinions and re-phrases issues into constructive criticism. Now, I have entered the real world, where people are blatant in their dislike of others and not afraid to tell you about it. I think this week I just have grown disgusted with two-facedness. Knowing that someone is saying something terrible and ugly and watching their demeanor turn angelic when someone else walks in the room has become such a deterrent to me. I am disgusted by people who feel free to air their grievances to the whole world...or worse yet, to make accusations as if they are one-hundred percent accurate based on third party information.
Why does this bother me? Well, because words are like pebbles hurled at a window that cause it to chip. Eventually with time and changes in pressure and changes in weather that chip becomes a crack, then a big crack, then your whole window has to be replaced. Hurtful words-regardless of their truth value-launch that pebble that starts that crack in your perception of someone or something. More harmful words...even if they are groundless cause that crack to expand and expand and expand. Slivers of doubt and second thinking begin to cloud your judment and you find yourself completely over-analysing decisions and situations. Or you find your perceptions of others' character changing based on groundless, unfair accusations.

I think the better question might be...why has this never bothered me before?
They say that the faults we find worst in others are ones that live most strongly in our own lives. Its true. I am two-faced. My words might still be covered with that sugar-coating, but their intent is still destruction. I may put a positive spin on my opinions, but I still communicate the philosophy of death. My heart condemns me. But there is one who is greater than my heart who offers himself in exchange for my two-faced self. And His WORD is the only one reliable.

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him, for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."-1 John 3:19-20

Making All things New

This week marks a week of so many brand new things for me. But, I think we gotta start with this summer before we get there. This summer was brand new for me too. I graduated from college and moved home..back to Iowa. I thought that I would be home for maybe a month or two before heading back out East to work. But, God had a different plan. Week after week of sending out resumes and cover letters and filling out applications came and went with no answers..or at least none that I wanted to hear. It was also new because for the first time in my life of twenty-one years, I decided to apply all the things that I had been learning at school in a new church than the one I had spent every year of my life attending. That decision was hard and heart-breaking for me. But, I could not deny the Spirit of God directing me to new things. So, I decided to obey. I started attending Harmony for the summer...and fell in love with the people, the mission, the vision, really the heartbeat of this church. But...I was having a hard time getting connected ( it was definitely on me, not on them..just in case anyone was getting any ideas.) So, one day, my Dad asked if I didn't want to at least just try out this church plant in Mt. Pleasant...and I felt iffy about it, but decided it would not hurt to try. As I was there that first Sunday, the Holy Spirit laid on my heart, a desire to volunteer to mentor the Praise Team of high schoolers that attend that school (the church plant meets in the tiny little Christian school where I spent my elementary years.) So, later that evening, I contacted the administrator and let her know of my intentions to volunteer. But God had bigger plans. When I went in to discuss what this volunteering might look like, I was offered a part time position teaching music K-12. If you know me or my degree, you would know that education and I have never been very good friends...I never ever wanted to be a teacher ( which is why I chose the Worship and Music Studies degree over Music at Liberty University.) But, I knew that this was an incredible opportunity. I can teach music fundamentals all the while training these young men and women to worship Jesus Christ with abandon. To lead worship instead of to perform. So...after some prayer and research I accepted the job and will be starting tomorrow morning. I have a lot of nervous tension...and am just wondering how in the world I can teach kids!? But God is greater than any of my fears or nerves or insecurities. And I relish this opportunity to make disciples of His name. I lived for performance at this school. Now I get to lead in worship.
God has such a sense of humor and a perfect sense of timing. I have been studying Beth Moore's study, The Beloved Disciple. Last night I was reading about that in between time where God trained His man John. He fell into obscurity for awhile, only to be used incredibly for the Lord. Thats what I pray for my life. That even if I am not serving in my dream job per se, God will be crafting my character and pouring out His love to this community in an unimaginable way. To the Kingdom and The Restoration, All because of His Death-Defying Love.
Let the adventure commence.